In Which
by EvilmindedchilD
Summary: Modern AU: Levi and the gang get into situations and stuff. Mostly just drabbles, but they all take place in the same universe. Rated T for language.
1. In Which Idiots Play Monopoly

"Okay, Levi. How about this. I'll trade you Baltic and Oriental for Pacific. Plus $100."

"That's the worst deal I've ever heard. And last turn Hanji tried to buy Pennsylvania from me with $75 and no rent on a space of my choosing."

"Hey! That was not a bad deal, you were just too stupid to accept!" Hanji defended, leaning across the board to flick me in the nose.

I can no longer remember which of the two idiots before me had suggested that we play Monopoly, but nevertheless we were sat on the floor around my coffee table an hour into a game. It seemed like Hanji would soon be out, however. She was down to $100 with only Vermont and Short Line Railroad to her name, and house rules stated no mortgaging of properties. Eren was doing better, though not by much. I, however, owned about half the board and held all the orange spaces.

"No deal, Eren. Unless you're willing to give me Atlantic, there's not a chance in hell you're getting Pacific," I told him, crossing my arms and resuming the process of organizing my money.

Eren huffed, but picked up the dice. "Fine, be that way. But you'll crack. I have a plan," he said rather coolly, shaking the dice and tossing them onto the board. He rolled a seven, and moved to Tennessee. "Shit," he hissed.

"That'll be $550, thank you very much."

Eren groaned, pulling out his one $500 bill and a fifty. I held out my hand and he placed it in my palm. "No fair, you only have that monopoly because you tricked me into giving you New York," he said. Dramatically, he flopped backwards onto the ground, stretching out on the carpet.

I reached across and grabbed the dice, but before taking my turn I set them down in front of me. "Hanji. I want to make you a deal."

Hanji, who had been laughing at Eren, turned to me and smiled. "Just the words I've been waiting to hear, Levi." She pressed her hands together and surveyed her properties quickly before looking up at me and nodding.

"You look like you're moving into a tight spot, hm?"

She glanced at the board and terror flashed in her eyes. She was sat on Vermont, about to head into the snake pit of rent and houses until she reached Illinois.

"Here's what I propose: I will give you completely free rent on all of my spaces, if when you finally go bankrupt, you agree to give me all of your properties. As a token of gratitude, I will also give you an extra $50 every time you pass go," I said. Eren bolted up and stared at me in disgust.

"You can't - no, you can't just give her an extra fifty for passing go. That's stealing from the bank!" Eren protested. He was on the verge of yelling, I could tell. He was practically shaking with it.

I, however, was composed. "I wasn't going to steal from the bank," I said, holding up my rather large stack of fifties. Eren looked like he wanted to continue arguing but couldn't find an argument, whereas Hanji was looking positively delighted.

"You're speaking my language, baby! Deal!" she said, grinning wide.

I picked up the dice and rolled. I really needed anything but a four. If I hit a four, then I'd land on Park Place. Eren had managed to coerce Hanji out of Boardwalk, and he had scraped up enough to buy a hotel on each. Rich as I was, I wasn't too concerned, but it would be a significant dent in my money that I wasn't looking forward to.

Of course, because I needed anything but, I rolled a four. Eren let out a loud hoot, and begrudgingly I forked over $1500 in rent. He stuck out his tongue at me and I considered grabbing it and yanking.

It was Hanji's turn, now, and she rolled a seven. She moved her game piece to the property, and her face fell. She'd landed on a railroad, of which Eren owned three. It would cost her $100 and she would go bankrupt.

Eren shot up and started dancing around the living room. Hanji looked a me, a hard expression on her face, and handed me her two properties that she'd promised. "Sorry I couldn't make good on our deal," I said solemnly.

She nodded once, holding eye contact. "Me too. But this just means you have to win."

Hanji went to sit on the couch while I arranged the new properties with my existing ones. "Oi, brat. It's your turn. Stop stomping and come and roll the dice."

Eren, to his credit, complied. He ended up rolling onto one of his spaces, and his turn ended there.

I picked up the dice, confident in my next roll, and-

Snake eyes.

It took all three of us about five seconds to process this turn of events. I hit the realization first, slamming my head on the table and knocking over the stack of Chance cards. Hanji hit it next, groaning something about failing her.

I looked up and watched Eren. He was the last to realise, his eyes darting between Boardwalk and my pile of money that was no where near $2000 after landing on Park Place the turn previous. His eyes widened, and I half expected him to resume his dancing, but he surprised me by folding his hands on the table.

"I'll make you a deal, Levi."

"Your deals are the worst."

"Do you wanna go bankrupt?"

"…No"

Eren grinned so wide I thought his cheeks might tear. "Excellent. Okay, so we both know you're in a little predicament. I'll give you two options. Option one is that you give me all your properties, with the exception of Pacific, because you love it so much."

"I'd be bankrupt in three turns," I argued, but he held up a hand, silencing me.

"Your other option is a little different. Your other option is that you SUCK MY DICK I WON YOU FUCKER!" he yelled, jumping into the air and making some rather obscene motions towards his crotch.

Frustrated, I picked up all my money and shoved it at him. It was meant to be an angry gesture, but Eren just picked up the money and began shouting "Make it rain!".

"Okay, I'm done. Eren, since you won, it's only fair that you clean up the board. Hanji and I are going to pick a movie," I said, plopping onto the couch next to Hanji. I picked up the remote and started sifting through Pay-per-View movies. I didn't know which one we would end up watching (and honestly I didn't care), but I did know one thing for sure.

I was never, ever playing Monopoly with Eren ever again.


	2. In Which Idiots Wear The Same Costume

"I cannot _believe_ you. I told you _last week _that I was going as Indiana Jones."

"And _I'm_ telling you, no you _didn't_."

Here I was, Indiana Jones, staring at Eren, who was also dressed as Indiana Jones. And here we both were, stood smack in the middle of a Halloween party.

"Relax. It's a misunderstanding. No one's gonna care, anyways," Mikasa said from over Eren's shoulder. She was dressed as Black Widow, though she'd refused to wear a wig. I immediately disregarded her words, however. She couldn't understand. No one else was dressed as Black Widow, so how could she possibly understand my annoyance.

"Mikasa's right, Levi. It was a misunderstanding," Petra said from behind me. I didn't turn to meet her eyes. I already knew she was giving me that 'mom' stare she was so good at. Out of my friends, she was the responsible one. Out of Eren's friends, it was Mikasa. I was outnumbered on this one - two moms against me.

Eren bent his knees and let his arms hang slack, his eyes rolling. "I'm sorry, Levi, it was an honest mistake, I swear! I didn't mean to. I really, truly, and honestly didn't know you were dressing up as Indie."

I grumbled, turning heel and heading to the kitchen. There was vodka somewhere at this party and I intended to find it. Petra grabbed my sleeve as I passed her, looking surprisingly menacing in her Tinkerbell costume. "Hey. Be nice. And don't' drink too much, if you throw up in my car then you're paying to have it cleaned," she said. I'd never seen her so serious, or maybe I had and the booze were finally catching up to me. I had been drinking pretty steadily since I arrived two hours prior. I nodded and gently removed myself from her grasp.

In the kitchen, I realised I might have more trouble reaching the vodka than I'd anticipated. Between me and it were Connie and Sasha, dressed as Peeta and Katniss respectively, dancing in the middle of the floor. That in itself wouldn't have been an issue if not for the crowd of people surrounding them.

There really isn't a good way to phrase this: I decided to climb on the counters to get around them. No one noticed until I was halfway there, and they probably would have remained entranced in the dancing if I hadn't misplaced my foot and slipped off the edge of the counter. I crashed into someone, knocking both of us to the floor.

"Uh... Levi?" I heard Sasha ask. I didn't want to look up at her. My pride was taking a beating tonight.

"Yes?" I replied, still laying on top of the person whom I had theoretically crushed.

"What're you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"It _looked_ like you were playing spies on the counter and you fell," Connie interjected. Finally, I looked up at the two, anger rolling off me in waves. That was the last straw.

"I was getting the fucking vodka, brats," I spat, standing up much to the relief of the kid under me. I walked over to the counter and snatched an almost full bottle. I stormed back past them, Connie reaching to pat me on the head. I swatted his hand away and began searching for a secluded spot to get thoroughly shitfaced.

After a few minutes, I found an unoccupied armchair in what could have been a sitting room, or maybe an office. I wasn't entirely such and I entirely did not care. I opened the bottle and took a swig.

I couldn't tell you how long I sat alone in that room drinking, but I can tell you that by the time Hanji showed up to find me I was nearly 2/3 done with it.

"Rough night, buddy?" she asked, kneeling down beside the chair. She looked at my sympathetically.

"Eren stole my costume."

She nodded, pursing her lips slightly. "I know, I heard. It's not fair, is it?"

I responded only by meeting her gaze as I took my next swig.

Hanji tutted, snatching the bottle from my hands, asking how much of it I'd drank. I started to protest, but Hanji didn't care. She walked out of the room and left me sitting there alone with no booze to occupy me for a while, before returning with four bottles of water.

"Here's what we're gonna do, okay? For every question you answer wrong, you're gonna drink half a bottle of water. No ifs, ands, or buts. Petra's orders. She doesn't want you sick in the backseat and frankly neither do I."

So Hanji finally began quizzing me on trivial shit. She asked me what Petra was dressed as tonight. I responded with a princess. Down went half a water bottle.

It went on like that for a while, and I was getting more questions right than wrong, to my credit. Eventually, though, Hanji just started asking questions that I couldn't know the answers to; types of transport tissue in plants, what polypeptide was, to name every single part in a cow's digestive tract. Biology shit that I wasn't learning in my studying to become a history major but that she knew inside out for her classes to become a surgeon. Soon the water was gone.

"Okay, time to go home I think. Where's Petra and Erwin?" Hanji mumbled, mostly to herself I think. I was still too drunk to care, or even vaguely have an answer.

We made our way to the living room. "Wait here. I'm gonna find them and we'll come collect you," Hanji said before leaving to make a round of the house.

I would have waited, sure. That wasn't hard, even drunk. But the problem with being drunk for me was that I was really susceptible to mood swings. And there, in the middle of the room, was Eren, chatting up someone I didn't know.

"Hey! Jaeger! Fuck you, man!" I yelled, heading towards him. He looked at me in surprise, but he was even more surprised when my fist connected with his chin.

It fucking hurt. Punching people hurts. But in the moment, I didn't care. I could not believe he had worn the same costume as me. "Hey, what the fuck, Levi!" Eren yelled, holding a hand to his chin. I tried to tackle him, but I missed and went headfirst into the coffee table. I remember hearing someone yell something to the effect of "Holy shit!" before I passed out.

I woke up in the hospital. My head was pounding and my knuckles were throbbing in the same rhythm. I groaned and opened my eyes slowly. The light was blinding, but when I adjusted, I saw two people standing over me.

The first person was Eren. He looked concerned, despite the large bruise on his jawline. I wondered what he'd done to get someone to punch his sorry ass.

The second person was Petra. She, on the other hand, looked somewhere between concerned and livid. Her arms were crossed, and... something was different.

"Did you dye your hair?" I asked her, reaching up and flicking one the blonde locks. It felt weird, and I realised it was a wig. I took a look at her clothing and noticed she was dressed as Tinkerbell. That was strange. Was I on a drug trip? Or... no. That's right, it was Halloween. I looked at Eren again, curious to see what he was dressed as. The hat, the whip at his side, it was obvious that he was Indiana Jones. I almost laughed, because I had wanted to be-

I remembered all at once why Eren had gotten himself punched and who had done the damage. The pain in my hand made a lot more sense. I was still in the dark as to why my head hurt, however.

"Before you say anything, I know that I punched him, and I know you're probably angry at punching him or getting myself in the hospital, but I really want to know why my head hurts first," I said, rubbing at my temples.

"You tried to tackle me and you smacked your head on the coffee table. Shattered the glass. We called 911. You have a mild concussion, but you'll be fine," Eren explained, rubbing the back of his neck.

Petra made a little indignant noise. "I told you to take it easy with the alcohol. That was my one rule, and you broke it. You broke it, and you punched someone," she huffed, glaring daggers at me. "You'd better apologise."

I considered telling her to fuck off, but I knew that would only end badly for me. I probably should apologise, anyways. That bruise looked like it would last a few days. "Sorry for punching you, Jaeger. I was drunk and I wasn't thinking straight." I looked back at Petra for approval.

Frowning still, she nodded, accepting it as a valid apology. Eren began to accept it as well, but I cut him off. "It really was your fault, though. I told you I was going as Indiana Jones."

Petra yelled at me so loud the nurses had to escort her out of the room.


	3. In Which Idiots Are Underdressed

"Fuck you, Eren."

"Don't blame this on me, Levi, I didn't know it was a formal party!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. We were so dead. Petra was going to kill us. Here we were, stood in the doorway of Petra and Hanji's apartment, and literally every single person in the room was dressed in formal wear. Eren and I, however, were dressed in jeans and matching Christmas sweaters, because Eren had insisted to me that Petra told him it was a casual event.

Eren was a dirty liar.

"Okay, look, it's not so bad. No one's seen us yet, let's just go back to your apartment and change," Eren suggested. I nodded, knowing that he had half his wardrobe in my closet anyways. My fingers had just reached the doorknob when I heard Hanji call my name.

I bit the inside of my cheek, preparing for the ridicule I would inevitably receive, and turned to face her. She was grinning from ear to ear, absolutely ecstatic. "So I'm guessing you missed the memo?" she asked, and I tried very hard not to smack the grin off her face.

Eren raised his hand slightly, calling her attention away from me. "It's my fault. I thought Petra said it was casual."

Hanji laughed right in his face, and he turned bright red in the ears. "Petra's never thrown a casual event in her life! Oh, you guys are screwed," she choked out, barely able to speak for all the laughter.

"We won't be screwed if we change. Come on, Eren," I said, grabbing Eren's elbow and starting to drag him out the door. Hanji had other plans, it seemed, as she snatched me around the waist and hauled me back inside. I wanted to yell at her to let me go, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself. She let me go in the living room and immediately blocked my exit. Eren hovered nearby, unsure whether he should leave or stay.

"Save yourself," I whispered in the most serious manner I could muster, and Eren turned tail and ran out the door. At least one of us would be spared Petra's wrath.

Hanji looked like she was about to pee herself trying to contain her laughter. "You're dead. You're 100% dead," she informed me when she could no longer contain herself. I grunted and sat down on the armchair, crossing my arms over my chest.

"The least you could do is bring me a glass of wine so I don't have to deal with Petra sober." It wasn't a request, and Hanji knew that. She waved me off, but left me to go find the booze.

As soon as she was gone, I stood up and made a beeline for the door. This was my chance to escape, to change and be in acceptable attire for the party. I had the door open and was taking my first step to freedom when I heard Petra call out from behind me.

Shit.

I grit my teeth so hard I was certain I would get a lecture from my dentist at my next appointment. If I ran from her, she'd be offended and I'd ruin her night, and I couldn't stand seeing Petra cry. That is why, against my better judgement, I walked back into the apartment.

I got the pleasure of watching Petra's smile fall into something akin to confusion and then quickly shift to frustration. I braced myself as she marched towards me with fury blazing in her eyes.

"What the fuck are you wearing?"

"Clothes."

"You know what I mean, Levi. What in the world compelled you to show up to a formal party in jeans and... is that Santa being abducted by aliens?"

I glanced down at the design on the sweater. "Yes, yes it is. And for your information, it was Eren's idea. He seemed to recall you saying it was a casual event."

Petra scowled at me. "When have I ever thrown a casual event?!" she whisper yelled, seemingly trying to avoid causing a scene.

"That's what I said!" Hanji laughed, joining us in the front hall with two glasses of wine in hand. She passed one to me and kept the other for herself. I took a long drink while Hanji placed her hand on Petra's head and rubbed it gently, much to Petra's annoyance. I shot her a look, attempting to convey that she wasn't helping.

Petra smacked Hanji's hand away and fixed her hair, maintaining a menacing eye contact with me the whole time.

I tossed up my hands defensively. "Look, I'm sorry, Petra. I really am. I was just leaving to go change. I was also leaving to beat the shit out of Eren for being a dumbass," I said, turning back towards the door. I heard Petra scoff, but no one stopped me.

I finally made my way back to my apartment, where I proceeded to give Eren an earful for being an idiot and then we made out for a while because Eren looks hot when he's yelling and in a suit. In the midst of that, my phone rang, and I realised we should probably go back to the party.

Answering the call, I realised it was a slightly drunk Hanji.

"Hey, Levi, can I stay at your place tonight? Petra's upset with me for intentionally making you stay to see her blow a gasket," Hanji said, a small slur in her voice.

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Alright, yeah. You can ride home with Eren and I when we leave," I said, grabbing the car keys and tossing them at Eren, who was standing by the front door.

"Not necessary."

"What?" I asked, scrunching my face in confusion. The front door burst open and there was Hanji, cell phone in hand, smiling at us with that goofy grin she got when she was tipsy.

I put away my phone and stared at her as she waltzed into the apartment and slumped down on the couch. "Hanji, please tell me you didn't drive here," I deadpanned.

"Pfffft," Hanji said, waving a dismissive hand at me. "Of course not, I'm drunk, not stupid. I took a cab," she clarified. She yawned and grabbed a blanket off the arm of the couch and draped it over herself, snuggling into the cushions.

Eren and I exchanged a look, and he shrugged at me. "Are we leaving her here? Will she be okay by herself?" Eren asked me. Suddenly Hanji shot upright and yelled, causing Eren to reel backwards me to knock into the fridge in surprise.

"What the fuck, Hanji?!" I yelled.

She held up a finger in response, and said "I just remembered. You two were uninvited for not being dressed appropriately."

Eren threw the car keys on the kitchen counter and groaned, walking back into the bedroom. I picked up a water bottle from the pack at the top of the fridge and threw it as Hanji, who squealed and fell back onto the couch laughing hysterically.

"If you vomit, you're cleaning it up, asshole," I told her as I went to the bedroom after Eren to relax.

The night was spent with far less alcohol and far more Hanji that I would have liked, but at least I wasn't at Petra's party horrendously underdressed.


End file.
